Me: My first husband. Years. More than ten, I don’t remember exactly.
Bf: Seventeen years.
2. What is the shortest relationship you have been in?
Me: One night.
Bf: I don’t consider a one night stand a relationship. Six months.
3. How often do you have sex? How often do you want sex?
Me: That depends on how you define “sex”. Penis in vagina? Penis in some-female-orifice? Dildo in some male orifice? What if he’s sucking on my fingers until I come, but he hasn’t? What if we just fool around, but nobody has an orgasm? Does mutual masturbation count? What if he’s using a stroker while I cuddle him? What about dirty talking? Domination play without touching? Phone sex?
The short answer is that we want it more than we can get it (due to time and energy contraints) but we have a damn lot of it, by our very liberal definition of sex.
Bf: Define sex. I, too, do not consider ‘penis in vagina’ the only form of sex. We do foreplay most of the time. So is it then foreplay? We probably have as many orgasms without anything biological (penis, finger, mouth, etc) involved (i.e. using sex toys) as we do with.
Short answer: We have a lot of sex, but not as much as we like.
4. How long does sex usually last?
Me: We don’t do ‘usually’.
5. Have you ever had an experience where someone couldn’t perform, finished too quickly or couldn’t keep up with you? Tell us about it?
Me: “Performance” is usually code for “erection”. Can he get it up? What if he can’t? What if he comes “too soon”? To me, unless there’s a medical problem that needs to be addressed, none of this is relevant. “Performance” in my mind means “Are both partners engaged with pleasing one another?” That’s the only performance that matters.
Bf: Short answer, no. Our sex life is so non-linear, toy filled, and kinky, that for me, the word “perform” is inapplicable.
6. If you could only have one “type” of sexual encounter for the rest of your life, would you prefer
a) short and sweet
b) wham bam thank you ma’am
c) here for the long haul
d) slow and tender
Bonus: Would you consider ending an otherwise healthy and loving relationship if the sex wasn’t what you wanted?
Me: If the sex was bad and he wasn’t willing to work on it to make it better? Absolutely. I wouldn’t consider it a healthy and loving relationship if both partners aren’t having their sexual needs met.