Monthly Archives: April 2013

#WickedWednesday – So I asked SilverHubby to respond to a comment …

And this is what he said …

Back in January, the lovely and delightful Marie Rebel, of Wicked Wednesday fame,left this comment:-

“It’s always good to remember things – good and bad. I think you are in a better place now than you have been back then.”

It was on this post, the end of a short series in which Silverdrop wrote about the end of her first marriage.

For me, and many others I suspect, our memories and experiences help define us. Some of my best memories in terms of self-growth are also some of the scariest/most embarrassing/exciting/sad. Here, in no particular order,  is a selection:-

  • Realising, despite having spent 5 years (as a teenager at school) as a Sea Cadet, that I was going to join the Air Force, not the navy.
  • Drafted, along with many other Air Force personnel in the area, as volunteer firefighters when forest fires swept through the Snowdonia National Park, in Wales, in the late 70s, and a wall of flame shot up the steep hillside and over our heads and on into the next part of the forest.
  • Losing my virginity – it was all over embarrassingly quickly.
  • Realising that my parents were racists following their reaction to my bringing home a girlfriend from the Indian sub-continent – her skin was almost ebony in colour.
  • Hearing the words “Oh shit!” in my headset from the pilot when we were on final approach for a landing at an RAF base.
  • Saying “I love you.” to Silverdrop for the first time and meaning it just as much (if not more) today, eleven years later, than I did then.
  • Silverdrop telling me she loved me for the first time.
  • Being at the helm of a friend’s yacht, close hauled to the wind, spray in my face, as we raced up the English Channel … realising that there was nowhere else in the world I’d rather be at that moment.
  • Walking out onto a stage to give a presentation to almost 3,000 people and loving every second of it, apart from the 0.001 second of sheer, abject, knee-weakening terror just before I walked out.
  • My first wife’s very negative reaction to my telling her about my sexuality.
  • Realising that my first marriage was doomed.
  • The Berlin Wall coming down and the collapse of the then USSR. I served during the Cold War and those two events changed my world.
  • Realising that I liked sex with men as well as women.
  • My first boyfriend.
  • Telling Silverdrop I liked sex with men as well as women, and her extremely positive reaction to this news. It came out naturally in conversation. I don’t remember exactly how, but I do remember my exact words: “Well I am bisexual you know.”
  • My first prostate orgasm.
  • Realising that Silverdrop’s deteriorating health made no difference to the way we feel about each other – likewise with my failing health.
  • Finally accepting that, despite not being even remotely eye candy, I am a good and beautiful person with much to give. Silverdrop, and the lovely B before her who started the process, are responsible for that.
  • Coming to terms with the fact that I am a sadist as well as a dominant. Being eternally grateful for finding Silverdrop who, as a masochistic submissive, explores this with me.
  • Accepting that almost making it big time in Silicon Valley (nobbled by the dot.com implosion 14 years ago) and the riches that would have gone with that, no longer matter (it took a while). The biggest consolation prize:- I met Silverdrop a year later – probably wouldn’t have happened if we’d been successful in the Internet startup.


All the above, and more, have helped make me the person I am today. Like most of us, I do have some regrets, but very few. I agree with Rebel that it is good to remember both the good and the bad. She is also right in saying that I am in a better place now than I have ever been.

Previous posts from So I asked SilverHubby here

Something for the weekend

#ToyWithMeTuesday – Sometimes a Girl Just Has to Beat Herself

Forgive the picture quality. This was taken ten years ago when we were LDR and had a crappy little camera – I sent it to tease SilverHubby after I acquired it.

These are called carpet beaters, right? But they’re good for other things too.

SilverHubby does it much harder than I do/can.
Toy with me Tuesday
See who else is playing with their toys.

Words – Always Kinky?

We were in an LDR years ago and we e-mailed, a lot. It wasn’t always squishy romantic stuff – hard though that is to believe from us. Sometimes, a throw-away comment (or question, in this case) would prompt a serious answer. As here:-

Silverdrop: Do you think in another life we were vanilla and conservative, but still very much in love and happy together? 

SilverHubby: I don’t know. I cannot imagine not being kinky – I have tried. My ex and I became mildly kinky very quickly – lots of role-playing, outdoor-risk-of-being-caught-sex etc. It progressed from there so, at least this time around, I have always been kinky. 


Either of us being vanilla would almost certainly have been a deal-breaker. As would either of us being a smoker, for example. How about you? Have you always been kinky?

Fibromyalgia and BDSM

Most of the pictures being posted lately are from years ago. Between now and then, I developed fibromyalgia, a disease where the body’s pain signals are on high volume. Even the lightest touch can feel painful sometimes.

This means that very much of the sado-masochist play that SilverHubby loves so much, and that I loved exploring with him, is off the table. I can barely handle being gently stroked with a suede flogger. Caning, paddling, nipple twists, and other more intense forms of pain are simply not possible for me to endure.

We both miss it so much.

When did “Gently!” become our safeword?

#WickedWednesday – So I Asked SilverHubby About Wicked Wednesday …

And this is what he said …

Not Radio 

Inspiration failure over this week’s prompt,so I thought I’d ramble on (moi, ramble?) about why I enjoy taking part in Wicked Wednesday.

First of all I’m an extrovert and a performer. This means I like an audience (Silverdrop is an introvert, which makes for an interesting ride at times).

Secondly, my impression is that there are more female submissives writing about their lives and relationships than there are guys – sub or dom (I am a male dom, btw). I think it is therefore useful to hear the other side of the coin. What I like even more is when Silverdrop and I write together about the same subject. Interestingly, our readers seem to like that too – the whole seeing both sides of the same stoey, I guess.

Thirdly, and most importantly in my mind, there are an awful lot of misconceptions about BDSM and the people who live it. “Subs are doormats; a TrueSub will do everything her master asks, unquestioningly; a sub cannot/is not allowed to say “No!” etc.” We are real people, with real lives. We have written (and will continue to write) about our relationship – the cockups as well as the “Yay! That was bloody wonderful!” stuff, and we both think that’s important.

So here we are, warts and all. We hope you’re enjoying the ride (it is left as an exercise to the reader to determine whether that was an intentional pun or not) as much as we are.


Previous posts from So I asked SilverHubby here