Back in January, the lovely and delightful Marie Rebel, of Wicked Wednesday fame,left this comment:-
“It’s always good to remember things – good and bad. I think you are in a better place now than you have been back then.”
It was on this post, the end of a short series in which Silverdrop wrote about the end of her first marriage.
For me, and many others I suspect, our memories and experiences help define us. Some of my best memories in terms of self-growth are also some of the scariest/most embarrassing/exciting/sad. Here, in no particular order, is a selection:-
- Realising, despite having spent 5 years (as a teenager at school) as a Sea Cadet, that I was going to join the Air Force, not the navy.
- Drafted, along with many other Air Force personnel in the area, as volunteer firefighters when forest fires swept through the Snowdonia National Park, in Wales, in the late 70s, and a wall of flame shot up the steep hillside and over our heads and on into the next part of the forest.
- Losing my virginity – it was all over embarrassingly quickly.
- Realising that my parents were racists following their reaction to my bringing home a girlfriend from the Indian sub-continent – her skin was almost ebony in colour.
- Hearing the words “Oh shit!” in my headset from the pilot when we were on final approach for a landing at an RAF base.
- Saying “I love you.” to Silverdrop for the first time and meaning it just as much (if not more) today, eleven years later, than I did then.
- Silverdrop telling me she loved me for the first time.
- Being at the helm of a friend’s yacht, close hauled to the wind, spray in my face, as we raced up the English Channel … realising that there was nowhere else in the world I’d rather be at that moment.
- Walking out onto a stage to give a presentation to almost 3,000 people and loving every second of it, apart from the 0.001 second of sheer, abject, knee-weakening terror just before I walked out.
- My first wife’s very negative reaction to my telling her about my sexuality.
- Realising that my first marriage was doomed.
- The Berlin Wall coming down and the collapse of the then USSR. I served during the Cold War and those two events changed my world.
- Realising that I liked sex with men as well as women.
- My first boyfriend.
- Telling Silverdrop I liked sex with men as well as women, and her extremely positive reaction to this news. It came out naturally in conversation. I don’t remember exactly how, but I do remember my exact words: “Well I am bisexual you know.”
- My first prostate orgasm.
- Realising that Silverdrop’s deteriorating health made no difference to the way we feel about each other – likewise with my failing health.
- Finally accepting that, despite not being even remotely eye candy, I am a good and beautiful person with much to give. Silverdrop, and the lovely B before her who started the process, are responsible for that.
- Coming to terms with the fact that I am a sadist as well as a dominant. Being eternally grateful for finding Silverdrop who, as a masochistic submissive, explores this with me.
- Accepting that almost making it big time in Silicon Valley (nobbled by the dot.com implosion 14 years ago) and the riches that would have gone with that, no longer matter (it took a while). The biggest consolation prize:- I met Silverdrop a year later – probably wouldn’t have happened if we’d been successful in the Internet startup.
All the above, and more, have helped make me the person I am today. Like most of us, I do have some regrets, but very few. I agree with Rebel that it is good to remember both the good and the bad. She is also right in saying that I am in a better place now than I have ever been.
Previous posts from So I asked SilverHubby here.