#WickedWednesday – So I Asked SilverHubby About Mindsets

… and this is what he said:

Mindset definition

Hmm, mindset, or mindsets. How about I burble about the BDSM mindset as I experience it personally as a Dom and a sadist? My experience of the Interwebs is that BDSM sites tend to be written mostly by femsubs, so perhaps we guydoms should open our mouths a little more often? Who knows, one day I might even give in to your encouragement to start my own blog.

For me, and other Doms may experience it differently, being a Dom is not something I do, it is something I am. Big difference. I colours pretty much all of my interactions with Silverdrop. Not in a conscious way. I don’t think “How should I, as a Dom, react in this situation?” However, if I look back at any given situation, I can usually see how the Dom energy came into play during it.

We have a saying around our home: “We discuss, I (SilverHubby) decide.” That isn’t to say that Silverdrop’s opinion isn’t taken into account. Quite to the contrary – I value her opinion very much. Nor does me being a Dom mean I get to say “No.” to her all the time. In fact, I find it very hard to say refuse her something – even when I know it would be for the best. I can do it though – it just takes an effort sometimes.

The Dom energy is certainly to the fore when I grab her long hair and growl something obscene in her ear. Sometimes this is during sex (guaranteed to make her come hard), sometimes randomly (guaranteed to make her whimper at the very least).

But the Dom energy is there all the time. We sometimes half-jokingly laugh about me being the responsible adult in the house. This has become more true as SD’s health deteriorates. I consider myself ultimately responsible for decisions. Not all of them, but certainly the bigger ones. Although we certainly had a lively discussion when SD nominated The Princess Bride as her choice for our last movie night (we did watch it – it was her turn to choose). And you know what, that’s fine by me – I relish the responsibility, although it can sometimes be a little daunting. I am not infallible. I have been known to fuck up. So I pick up the pieces, tell SD and move on.

Did that make things any clearer? Or did I just muddy the waters further?

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This entry was posted in #Memes, #WickedWednesday, Archive, BDSM, So I asked SilverHubby... on by .

About silverdrop

Silverdrop and SilverHubby are a middle aged married opposite-sex couple living in the UK. Silverdrop is gender-queer and SilverHubby is pansexual. We use this blog to talk about our sex lives (especially our fanaticism about anal and pegging), share erotic photos, and offer sex toy reviews. Our [sex isn't always great], mostly because of our health problems, but we always write honestly about it. Our kinks include BDSM, gender-play, pegging, roleplay, fantasy, and lots and lots of anal.

6 thoughts on “#WickedWednesday – So I Asked SilverHubby About Mindsets

  1. Mia

    This was such an interesting read! Being with a Switch man and being Switch myself the dynamic is quite a bit different here, yet sometimes the same but with the m/f roles reversed depending on who is Dom/Domme!

    ~Mia~ xx

  2. Lord Raen

    sounds like a perfect explanation to me, in fact sounds a lot of like life here.
    Thank you for sharing this, I treasure these tidbits of wisdom

  3. Molly

    This is exactly how it works in our house as well “We discuss, I (SilverHubby) decide.” ”

    Mollyxxx

  4. Malflic

    As a Dom type who blogs I enjoy when others with the same role write and share their thoughts and experiences.

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