Author Archives: silverdrop

About silverdrop

Silverdrop and SilverHubby are a middle aged married opposite-sex couple living in the UK. Silverdrop is gender-queer and SilverHubby is pansexual. We use this blog to talk about our sex lives (especially our fanaticism about anal and pegging), share erotic photos, and offer sex toy reviews. Our [sex isn't always great], mostly because of our health problems, but we always write honestly about it. Our kinks include BDSM, gender-play, pegging, roleplay, fantasy, and lots and lots of anal.

SilverHubby and Silverdrop

The word ‘Sir’ is sexual

“Another sub called me ‘Sir’ on Twitter today,” SilverDom told me over breakfast. It made him feel uncomfortable, and we spent a long time talking about why.

Context matters.

One person swats another person’s bottom. In one case, the two people are sporting team-mates showing casual encouragement. In another, they are two people who are dating. In a third, it is a boss and employee. In a fourth, it is two strangers on a crowded subway. The same gesture, but four different meanings.

The title ‘Sir’ can be said by a soldier in boot camp or a hurried waiter with different meanings, and may mean nothing at all when addressing a letter “Dear Sirs or Madames”. But in the context of BDSM, the word is charged with sexuality and power, and to use it in that context is to invoke all of those meanings.

The word ‘Sir’ is a sexual word. It is a sexual act both to say it, and to hear it. Let’s not pretend otherwise. And just as any sexual act, it can be used consensually and nonconsensually.

As you would with any sexual act, ask before you do it. “May I call you Sir?” will do nicely.

 

SilverDom’s thoughts

As Silverdrop and myself became disabled – a process which happened slowly over a few years – we became somewhat reclusive. I work from home, and she is now bed/wheelchair-bound. We saw fewer and fewer people. This has only started to change, in ‘real’ life and cyber, in the last year or so.

I have been around so long that I was a sysop on a Compuserve forum that dealt with BDSM. In fact, I think witnessed the birth of the acronym. It comes from Bondage and Discipline/Dominance and Submission/Sadism and Masochism.

Suffice to say that I used to be much more active in the scene. Silverdrop was less so, as she came to it later and is somewhat younger than me. Anyway, I got quite used to coping with other subs calling me Sir. This would happen online and in 3D/’real’ life. The Old Guard Leather folks are quite formal and I think they typically require subs and bottoms to address all Doms and Tops as Sir. I have never been that formal, as it is just not my ‘style’.

I would smile, thank them for calling me Sir, then politely ask that they didn’t, as there was no need. I would go on to explain the agreement I had with my long term sub, and how that differed with short term play partners and finally kinksters with whom I had no connection at all. These basic rules have not changed, although my partners have. Here they are:

  1. “Master” is reserved for my primary partner – Silverdrop for 13 years and for ever and ever.  🙂
  2. “Sir” is what I ask temporary play partners to call me for the duration of play and aftercare. I would negotiate this with them and their primary partner if they have one.
  3. Anybody else calls me by my first name in 3D, or SilverDom/SD online.
  4. I would not ask my partner to address other Doms/Tops as “Sir” unless they were temporary playmate, for the reasons Silverdrop has said so eloquently already.

This morning, I handled it badly. In my (slight) defence, I was caught off-guard – it hasn’t happened for years. So I accept responsibility for it.

So, as Silverdrop says:

As you would with any sexual act, ask before you do it. “May I call you Sir?” will do nicely.

What are your thoughts?

 

SilverHubby and Silverdrop

Announcement: Hailing Frequencies (Temporarily?) Closed

It is with great sadness that we must announce that this blog is going on hiatus.

Those of you who read us regularly will have noticed that Silverdrop rarely posts here these days and we stopped reviewing sex toys months ago. We recently had dinner with the really quite lovely and not at all axe-murderish Molly and her husband DomSigns and Molly mentioned that she had noticed. Silverdrop explained that she only has so much non-resting energy a day, and that she has told me either I can have most of it, or the blog can. You might guess my choice.

I miss the times when the pair of us would have ‘conversations’ in posts, to the general amusement and apparent enjoyment of you, dear reader. Without that interaction, contributing here and the memes we love (SinfulSunday and Wicked Wednesday especially) has become a chore and rather less fun.

But, and it’s a big but, my physical condition is also very slowly worsening, so I too have less energy to give to things. I choose to spend the majority of that energy on Silverdrop – loving her and caring for her. I know you will understand. Consequently, we must PTP (Protect The Property) and reduce the number of ‘things’ on our To Do lists.

Together, always and all ways.

 

PS. We’ll still be around on Twitter as @SilverDomUK and @SilverdropUK, so expect the usual silliness there.

And click below to see who else is being sinful this SinfulSunday.

Sinful Sunday

E[lust] #58

Pandora
Photo courtesy of Pandora Blake

Welcome to Elust #58

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #59? Start with the rules, come back June 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Do NOT take my rapeplay fantasy away from me!

Pulp Fiction

“O” is for Outlaw No More

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

The Second Letter

The Wake

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Continue reading

e[lust] #57

Elust #57 Cammies on the Floor Image
Photo courtesy of Cammies on the Floor

Welcome to Elust #57

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #58? Start with the rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

I’ve Got 99 Problems

Vasectomy Blues

I’ve always wanted to call myself queer.

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Aoyama Yuki and My Very First Times

I don’t know how to be happy

 

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Continue reading

SinfulSunday: The Answer

Many of you (OK, 7 of you – Silverdrop has asked me a million times not to exaggerate), asked whether I did, in fact, pluck her pubes with tweezers, as threatened here.

While it is true that I am a CuteCuddlyTeddyBearSadoDom, I could not inflict that amount of pain on Silverdrop’s body because of her disabilities.

I did, however, shave it fairly close. Like so:-

Much shorter than before.

Much shorter than before.

And click below to see who else is being sinful this Sunday.
Sinful Sunday

SilverHubby shown at the waist, clothed, his hands holding a collar.

WickedWednesday: Talk to them!

WARNING: this post may be too silly, although it contains genuine thoughts and feelings too. Read on at your own risk. Or something.

The theme set this week is “Getting the message across.”

Ah, communication. One of the most important skills in the known universe, yet also one that many of us wish we were better at. I used to be really good at communicating in my professional life (still am), but complete batshit rubbish at it in my private life. There were many reasons for this, which I have written about before on this blog.

So here, in no particular order, are my personal guidelines for getting your message across AKA communicating, in a personal relationship.

  1. DO NOT use the awful (IMO) phrase: “We need to talk.” For many people, even those who know you would never intentionally hurt them, this is a trigger phrase. It is clichéd (how the frag do you get an accented e within WP?) of course, but it can scare people.
  2. Think about what you want to say before the actual conversation. If you’re going to talk about something difficult e.g. telling your partner(s) that you’d really like to get into a bath of cold custard, wearing a wet suit, while they batter you with a pair of slimey kippers, then you are likely to stumble over your words. Rehearse first, it will help. Actually, be prepared for your partner, if not English, to need to Google they hell out of kippers to find out whatinthefrag they are. And no, that is not one of my kinks – I prefer cold baked beans (joke).
  3. Don’t blurt out the news/request/explanation for the disappearance of all the custard in the local shops, when they are busy. You need to pick a quiet time, away from distractions. It’ll help you both relax.
  4. When you’ve given them the basics of what this chat is about, give them time to digest it and respond. You may have said something that has surprised/shocked/scared/excited them. They’re probably gonna need some time to think about it. They may also worry that you’re expecting them to clean out the bath afterwards.
  5. Accept that they may need more time to think about it. For example, I pretty much always need to think about important stuff overnight before responding. I think what I am pleased to call my mind needs to process and file stuff before coming up with a genuine response. Silverdrop took a couple of years to get used to this. She initially mistook my silence at important announcements (just for a minute or so before I could say “I need to think about this.”) as anger, or something else negative.

How do you get an important message across?

 

 Click below to see who else is being wicked this Wednesday
Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

SilverHubby shown at the waist, clothed, his hands holding a collar.

SinfulSunday: MoreMenInSinfulSunday

We were wondering what to do for SinfulSunday this week, especially as it’s been a couple of weeks since we went back to promoting our #moremeninsinfulsunday campaign.

Anyway, inspiration stuck when Silverdrop ‘caught’ me using the Fleshlight.

So come on chaps… if I can et my broke old body out, so can you.  🙂

It's really rather nice.

It’s really rather nice.

 

And click below to see who else is being sinful this Sunday.
Sinful Sunday

SilverHubby and Silverdrop

BoobDay: Sorry Hy!

It’s Friday. Yay!

That means it’s BoobDay. Yay!

We forgot to send this pic in to Hy. Boo! I wonder if Hy will ever forgive us?

Anyway… this week’s theme is “Hands.”. This seems to cover it. Excuse the quality, it was grabbed (pun possibly intended) in haste on the camera phone.

Helping hand.

Helping hand.

 

Click below to see other beautiful owners of beautiful breasts.

adissolutelifemeans.com/boobday/

SilverHubby shown at the waist, clothed, his hands holding a collar.

WickedWednesday: Hidden No More

Hmm, this week’s WickedWednesday theme is “hidden”.

I grew up in a family where we were taught, by word and deed, that it was important to keep some things hidden. How others perceived you was more important than anything else. Hide anything negative. Always be seen happy and smiling in public. Hide strong emotions, whether they are positive or negative, lest they shame you in public. Worst of all: what if the neighbours found out something was not perfect?

Hiding emotions means I have no memory of ever seeing my parents demonstrating affection to each other. Hmm, come to think of it, I don’t remember them showing any to me or my siblings either.

All problems, whether internal or external to the family must be hidden (“Swept under the carpet” was a phrase I remember them using). Do not talk about problems, even in the safety of the home where “they” cannot see or hear you.

I remember visiting friend’s houses during childhood and actually feeling shocked when I saw parents openly showing affection to each other and their kids. I actually thought they were the abnormal ones, I was so conditioned to hiding emotion.

By around the age of 15, I knew something was very wrong. I actually set out to reinvent myself and explore my emotions. I know, pretty amazing for a testosterone-riddled teenage boy to decide. Looking back throughout my life, I realise that many of my closest friends have been women from that point on. Perhaps this is because (trying not to stereotype here) women, in my experience, are generally better at dealing with, and talking about emotions than men are.

But it took years to change, and a first marriage that never should have happened. It took an affair with B, a woman I shall never forget, to finish the process of straightening me out. As Silverdrop will tell you, I am now a well-adjusted SadoDom who likes to tie her up and do terrible things too her and am able to talk about feelings comfortable. Any non-kinksters would have trouble with that sentence, I think.

No more hiding things. No more secrets.

Sadly, my siblings never did make the break and seem to be bringing up their kids much the same way we were.

 

 Click below to see who else is being wicked this Wednesday
Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

SilverHubby shown at the waist, clothed, his hands holding a collar.

SinfulSunday: Challenge Accepted

We recently had to replace two laptops. Mine was old and feeble, Silverdrop’s had been dropped at one point, and the case cracked where the power plugs in. This made the connection loose, and sometimes caused the receiver to be pushed back into the case. I used a pair of tweezers to persuade it back into position.

When her new laptop arrived, I mentioned how the tweezers could be put back into the hobby room, unless she wanted be to pluck her pubic air for her. She looked at me with what I think of as the SassySub look and said, with a note of fear and surprise in her voice, “But I thought you weren’t into that!”

I gave her the EvilEye and said, “Challenge accepted,”

SilverDom: "Just relax. This won't hurt me a bit."

SilverDom: “Just relax. This won’t hurt me a bit.”

 

And click below to see who else is being sinful this Sunday.
Sinful Sunday