Category Archives: Sex & Disability

eLust 93 – We Made the Top Three!

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Photo courtesy of Aurora Glory

Welcome to Elust 93

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #94 Start with the rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

A dress to die for

Pushing Past

Necessary.

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Kink lite, Kink life
Disturbance

 

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

The Contract

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

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SinfulSunday: Ladies Who Lunch

We don’t get out much, so it was beyond wonderful that we had lunch recently with (not of!) three of our favourite kinksters.

This was how Silverdrop prepared for it. Seriously.

Doesn’t she have the greatest butt ever?  OK, OK, I know I’m biased.

Clickety-click.

Lunch prep 2 Aug

Click below to see who else is being sinful this Sunday…

Sinful Sunday

SilverHubby and Silverdrop

Kink & Disability Part 2: Care and Feeding of the Dom Body

Part 1 can be found here.

Inspired by this post by Michael, in which he wrote from his perspective about caring for the Dom body.

I am assuming we can take as given things like water, paramedic scissors, straws etc. being available, okay?

Caring for the physical well-being of your sub/bottom is a subject I see written about often, as it should be. It was therefore refreshing to see Michael write about it from the other side of the slash. But what if, like me, you are a disabled SadoDom? Briefly: advanced osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia, asthma, living with chronic pain.

I am very good at reading my body and how it is from day-to-day. “You are very self-aware.” a doctor said to me recently.

I used to be mean and very accurate with a bullwhip. I’m talking taking the top layer off two-ply tissue off from 10 feet. I practised. A lot. No longer. My shoulder joints are shot, and that makes the overhand movement painful so, to PTP (Protect The Property), I don’t do it.

Floggers I can do, but not for extended periods of time. The repeated motions of my favourite figure-of-eight style eventually start to hurt me. Which is not the point, right? I also like the ‘flick’ style of throwing a flogger at my victim.

There are toys, such as the pin-wheel, that are little physical effort for me to use. This little beastie, for example…

This is a favourite – more for me than Silverdrop.

I like that toy. Probably more than Silverdrop does.  😉

My favourite play of all, not that I have to take care of my body, is verbal. I can weave a wonderful fantasy. I love to incorporate humiliation into it – if that’s your thing. Also, although I cannot use it as freely as I could years ago, I trained Silverdrop to come on command. Back when we were healthy I could, and did, use it anywhere, anytime. Now that she is physically weaker, i must use it with care, as there is a chance of it failing to work, and repeated failures would break the training altogether, as well as upset us both.

So what’s it like to play with me? Well, I’m glad you asked me that. There is a lot I can do, just not for extended periods of time if I want to PTP. So there are many different toys and implements involved in a typical session, so the mechanical effort my body exerts is spread around. There will also be a lot of verbal stuff, with much laughter at times. I will want to ensure you re enjoying yourself but, as a SadoDom, I’m also there to feed that part of my energy.

Wanna play?  😉

PS. This requires a follow-up regarding caring for a disabled sub/bottom, doesn’t it?

 

Kink and Disability Part 1: Some Background

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SilverHubby and Silverdrop

Kink and Disability Part 1: Some Background

Did you know that people with disabilities have a sex life? Many people assume they do not. Shockingly, it is sometimes medical professionals (and other ‘caring’ professions) who make that assumption. This is so disheartening, and it infuriates us. As I was taught in the Air Force: Assume makes an ASS out of U and ME.

We are both disabled. We have sex. Whenever we are able.

Silverdrop is a wheelchair user who is otherwise bed-bound by severe fatigue and pain. I walk with a stick, as I have had osteoarthritis attacking me for more than 25 years now.

We were both able-bodied when we met almost 20 years ago. We soon found ourselves in a 24/7 BDSM relationship. For new blog readers: SilverDom is a dominant and sadist, Silverdrop is a submissive and masochist. We both also suffer from Fibromyalgia which, amongst other things, causes nerve endings to send the wrong messages. This is a huge problem when you want to beat a masochist.  *understatement alert*

The (sometimes extreme) nerve sensitivity caused by Fibro means that, over time, it has become almost impossible to do anything but the lightest of impact play with Silverdrop. I recently commissioned an extremely soft cat o’ many tail flogger from @HT_Honey (featured in a recent Sinful Sunday post). Still too much. 🙁

We recently got into a DM/e-mail conversation with a person about this subject. They were asking for any advice or experience we might have on the general subject of ill-health (or disability) and kink. Although in their case, the partner is healthier and less kinky. Below is an large part of our side of the exchange (somewhat edited) where we think about how to communicate our needs.

Note: We have anonymised the conversation to remove gender and other clues as to whom we were talking with.

Silverdom:

Most of our BDSM is now mental. I re-collar Silverdrop most nights when she’s OK, and say The Words that go with our collaring ceremony. We also do a lot of verbal BDSM. This is usually during sex, and often consists of humiliation stuff. Perhaps oddly, given what I’ve already said, we often have very rough sex, in terms of thrusting.

The spankings I can give her are purely symbolic, but they still matter to our dynamic.

My disabilities limit what I can do physically…. I can no longer wrestle her into submission, even if she could take it.

We are both hard wired into our BDSM. We have often said “BDSM is something we are, not something we do.”

Silverdrop, who is a plainer speaking ‘murrican than this Englishman, had words from her perspective:

For us, it’s all about communication. I tell him when things are too painful for me, or if they cause problems the next day – (the reason we had to give up impact play was because the fibro wouldn’t let the impact areas heal easily, even if it was a very light flogging.) He trusts me to tell him if my body or mind is not well, and I trust him to listen and understand.

We have our desire to protect each other (mostly me) pushing us apart sexually, but we have our obvious libido pushing us together. Having a vanilla partner (in your case) means they are getting a lot more of the desire to protect than any desire for kinky sex.

My advice is to sit them down and go over exactly how kinky sex might be impacted by your health. What might go wrong (be honest!), and what is most likely to happen. Then compare it to what happens if you *don’t* have kinky sex – THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!!

Make it clear that kinky sex is NOT something that you are willing to go without. When people become disabled, they have to give up things, one at a time, and there’s always something that is the last thing. People usually think of that ‘last thing’ being something like driving or walking, because they think of their independence, but driving or walking isn’t nearly as important as sex. If they think that sounds crazy, ask them if they’d rather have a lifetime driving ban, or permanently lose the ability to orgasm.

So there you have it, a small glimpse into our reality of trying to live as hard-wired kinksters around also living with chronic pain and other effects of our illnesses and disabilities. I apologise if I have shattered any illusions about our lifestyle.

This post is somewhat disjointed – not just because it is based on a conversations somewhere else. We could write so much more on this subject. Feel free to ask questions – we’ll answer anything – in comments. You might even trigger a further blog post.

 

A section of my denim jacket.

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